Finding Despair…

I searched a mile of mountains to know
What despair did mean,
I felled accustomed to the failure
but my hopes never ceased
Then once did I fell in love
And betrayal knocked us broke
A little meaning did I found
But nothing much in whole.
A moment that never came
It’s meaning was encored with my existence
Never could love my own self
And Despair was within.

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How?

I couldn’t explain
how being in the between felt like,
Of assumption and thoughts could all be baseless.
I breathed doubt’s on afternoons,
And night were spent in despair.
How must love be felt?
How must be another soul dealt?
How must I be of someone else’s
When I never could love myself?